While there’s always temptation at work (last week two of the ladies in the office competed in a pie-off- key lime, specifically- and we were all the judges, and today there were two different types of cookies available in our kitchenette), usually I am relatively decent at being moderate in my indulgences. For the last week, though, I feel like I’ve been spiraling out of control and I’ve been unable to control my appetite or my impulses. I think it’s no coincidence that I’ve been more stressed than usual for the last week as well.

Unfortunately, the extra helping of risotto at lunch and the snack-time cookies has a big impact. Today during my workout at Quickfit, I had to sit down. In the middle of my workout! That’s never happened. I feel sluggish and heavy and I had a raging sugar-induced headache all day, which was only mildly soothed by aspirin.

I had to take a good, long look at my behavior for the last week and I realized it’s not just one extra cookie that’s slowing me down. I’ve been eating out too much, going out for drinks too much and really doing a lot of things “too much” with the exception of working out, which has (thankfully) remained constant. If I had let my workouts slip too, I can only image how badly I’d be dragging today.

After some serious reflection, I know there’s only one thing to do now that my taste buds and blood sugar are all out of wack thanks to a week-long overload of sweets, carbs and booze. I need to start fresh.

I begin my liver cleanse today. It’s been a while since my first cleanse at Quickfit, and I’m sure plenty of toxins have built up in the meantime. I also know that returning to clean, pure foods without added sugar or salt or cheese will help my taste buds regain their appreciation for healthful, flavorful foods instead of the processed crap I tend to shovel into my mouth at almost superhuman speeds. Alright, I might be exaggerating, but I blame the sugar crash for my current dramatic tendencies. But I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: even though I eat pretty healthily, I know I can do better.

So for the next two weeks, I’m treating my body like a pristine temple. Only the best, organic and vegan foods get past these lips and I’ll be drinking water like there’s no tomorrow. Hopefully starting fresh will help me regain control over my eating habits before they get the best of me.

I loved hearing that. That’s why I’m in there 3 days a week and squeezing in extra workouts at home. It’s not so I can be rail thin or so some guy will think I’m hot. It’s because I know what kind of strength my body is capable of, and I think it would be a shame to not reach that full potential. I want to be lean and toned and fit and healthy so I can continue to feel strong well into old age. “Strong is the new skinny” is a positive message I’ve come across on the web lately, and it really resonates with me. Skinny doesn’t always equate to good health, but strong is always a positive attribute.

But one thing I think is important to note is that just because I’m in there killing myself three days a week, sweating bullets and lunging until I want to cry, that doesn’t mean that’s all that Quickfit is about. The Power Plates are fantastic for the intense circuit training that I do, but they’re also great for rehab, stretching and slower paced workouts. When one of the trainers tells me they’re impressed by how hard I’m pushing, but sassy reply is usually something along the lines of, “If I’m not giving 100 percent, then what’s the point?” But everyone’s 100 percent is different. Everyone at Quickfit has a different pace to match his or her specific goals.

Personally, I love that feeling after a workout when every cell in my body feels alive and exhausted. The Power Plates increase circulation and leave me feeling energized. But on the days when I’m torn up from countless lunges and need to give my thighs a break, the soothing vibration of the plates loosen me up and ease my sore muscles back to normalcy.

Honestly, there are days when I miss being able to zone out on the elliptical while I watch the far-away TV’s at my old gym. But the Plates give me so much more than any treadmill or Stairmaster ever did. They both push me and revive me- when was the last time your exercise equipment did that?

But this week was also good. I got some much-needed rest. Rest, apparently, that my own body had to force me to take. In life and in my workouts, I think I’ve been pushing a little to hard. Emotionally and physically, I needed a break. I needed a minute to pause and reflect and re-evaluate.

As I was forced to stay in my bed for a good portion my week, I turned to the Internet for renewed inspiration. Last week’s rude awakening still fresh in my mind, I scoured the web for healthy meal ideas and workout tips. I also thoroughly enjoy reading about other’s weight loss journeys. It help me to know that people who started out in a much worse place than I did have triumphed so completely, and it gives me a renewed drive. I drove headfirst into their stories, their habits, their advice and started to gain some mental momentum in spite of my physical stagnation.

There are so many support systems and inspiring messages to be had online, I don’t know why I don’t take better advantage of them. There is always someone telling you to work harder, to eat cleaner, to never give up and always prioritize your health, it makes it nearly impossible to fail or fill your head with negative thoughts.

There is also a fine line between inspiration and obsession. There are some unhealthy messages out there too- it’s important to steer clear of over the top imagery and unfair comparisons of your success to another’s.

One quote I came across that that fitness is 80% nutrition and 20% exercise. I don’t know how true this is, but it definitely made me think long and hard about the fact that while I’ve been giving exercise 110%, I’ve been eating clean maybe only 50% of the time. That just isn’t enough to really get lean and toned and super healthy the way that I want to. I know how drastically my body is affected when I eat crappy foods, but I continue to make poor choices.

As always, it’s easier said than done, but I feel really encouraged by the success of others and I am completely determined to turn my lack of self-control into strength, both physical and mental, to treat my body properly 100% of the time. If you give a program half-assed effort, then you can only expect half-assed results. And I want full-fledged amazing results.

After sitting down to discuss my results, it’s pretty clear that I’ve got the workout part of a healthy lifestyle nailed. That’s not the missing piece of the puzzle. Like looking at the scale without knowing the underlying composition behind the number, you can’t look exclusively at one aspect of a lifestyle- it’s a delicate and incredibly interconnected system of many aspects. And it does seem like I’ve been ignoring one very important component.

Though I know I eat better than I did this time last year, by leaps and bounds, really, I’m not eating what I need to fuel my body through the workouts I’m doing. I’ve been seriously overlooking my protein intake and relying too much on other elements of the food pyramid to get me through the day. It was also suggested that even though I’m good about starting my day with a healthy, protein-rich breakfast, I’m starting it too late. Waiting an hour instead of fueling up right after waking up is apparently almost as bad as skipping the meal entirely.

So now I’ve got a lot to think about. My first task is to start keeping a food diary, just like I did when I first started the program, in order to really examine what I’m eating during the day and if it’s working for or against me. Hopefully I’ll be able to make the positive changes I need to in order to continue to get stronger, not just smaller.

I had a second rude awakening today. I’m not sure how, but somehow I injured my back so the point of constant, throbbing pain and extreme tenderness. I had to lie down at work today and I haven’t been able to rotate more than an inch in any direction in hours, even after anti-inflammatories, pain relievers and some gentle rubbing. I don’t think I could have received a bigger signal that my body needs a break. It’s literally forcing me into one. As optimistic as I was that the pain would dissipate and I would be able to work out today, it was abundantly clear by the end of the day that it simply wasn’t an option.

So I’m going to take this opportunity to focus on the element of my fitness that I had been ignoring while I’m forced to neglect my workouts. There’s always something I can do to continue towards self-improvement, even if my body is temporarily out of commission.

My whole world fell into chaos last week. I returned home, threw my bag on the floor and neglected to unpack for days. I went to Quickfit for my normal workouts, but I was too tired to go to the grocery store so I kept grabbing quick-fix meals out, which is costly both nutritionally and financially. It didn’t help at all that there were three birthdays at work this week, so we had a constant supply of cake and frequent happy hour excursions. This weekend, I engaged in the serious athletic competition of watching the playoffs, which involved an obscene amount of fried food and more beer than anyone trying to lose weight should consume (or anyone at all, for that matter).

Basically, I replaced my innards with sugar, cheese and alcohol. No matter that I did manage to drag my hung-over behind out of bed on Saturday morning to get an extra workout in, this week was a wash.

Today was a huge wake-up call. I got to work feeling sad and slow and tired. I was on edge all day. I was craving the crap I’d been indulging in for the last seven days. It was easy to see that my mood was a direct result of how I’d been treating my body, and when I got to Quickfit to work out after work, my assumptions were confirmed.

Today was one of the harder workouts I’ve had in a long time. Not only because I was weighted down by the massive about of residual fried food in my system, but because the new trainer, Jessie, doubled the amount of cardio I typically do after each round of strength. It was exactly the kick in the butt that I needed- I saw that I’m still capable of working harder, and there’s no way I’m going to get to where I want to be unless I straighten up and get back to work.

Directly after my workout I headed to Whole Foods (which is so easy to do since they’re right next door, in case you weren’t aware) and loaded up on the apples, veggies and lean proteins that have been missing from my fridge for too long. I had a great, healthy dinner, I managed to get my apartment back in order and my mood is already improved.

I’m not sure what was the trigger that set off the domino effect of chaos this week whether it was my surrounds, the celebrations or maybe just an off day, but I know that those extra 15 minutes of cardio were the catalyst for getting things back to normal. Maybe slipping up all week was a blessing in disguise- now I know how awful it feels to return to bad habits and let my well-being land at the low end of the priority list, so hopefully I can avoid it the next time life tries to get in the way of my success.

Surprisingly, I’m not feeling like my body suffered to much from being away from Quickfit and letting myself enjoy a couple of decadent meals. Because I was staying with friends and not at a hotel, we did eat a lot of meal at home and as I explored a new city, we did a lot of walking. I managed to find balance even without the normal crutch of my fairly rigid workout habits. And if I’m not finding balance every day, even when on vacation, then I haven’t been successful in my attempt to change my lifestyle and become a healthier person.

So really, vacation is like a little test. While I didn’t work out to the extent I normally do, I was still making good choices and being active. I’d like to think I passed my own test and that I’m now one of those people who just maintains a healthy balance without even having to make a concerted effort to do so- it’s just part of who I am now. That’s really exciting news.

Something else that was really gratifying about my vacation is that I was visiting an old friend, a guy I dated in high school who hasn’t seen me in 5 years, even though we’ve kept in touch thanks to the magic of Facebook, and when he saw me, he said “wow.” No, I’m not at my high school weight, but it was nice to know all the work I’ve put into my body at least warrants a “wow.”

It’s just as nice as when I see my dad for the first time in a couple of weeks and he comments on how fit I’m looking these days, or the complimentary glances I get from strangers. While I know it might be a little petty to rely on the compliments of others for gratification, it really does feel good when people notice how hard you’re working.

Ultimately, it’s my opinion that matters the most, though. It’s not about the number on the scale or the praise my family and friends provide, even though these things are really good motivators. What really keeps me coming back to Quickfit is how good it makes me feel. When I’m gone, I miss it. Isn’t that how you know what love is?

Amazingly, in spite of those extra cookies, I did manage to maintain a slow and steady weight loss through December (I’m down another two pounds!). I fully credit my commitment to working out at Quickfit and my “bonus” workouts at home during the holiday break when I wasn’t working as much and had more free time to give to my fitness. I even worked out on Christmas day! I was able to continue working out at Quickfit through the holidays, even though they were closed, because of the flexibility they allow their clients.

I finally gave in a got a key fob to allow after-hours access to the Power Plates. I hadn’t done this previously because I’m a cheapskate and didn’t want to sacrifice the $25 deposit for the fob. Instead, I made a point to get to Quickfit before 6pm or I’d have to skip my workout for that day (usually working out at home, though let’s be honest, some days it was just a convenient excuse to be lazy).

I wasn’t about to miss a full week of Power Plates over the holidays, though, so I decided to pony up the cash, which was still hard knowing full well I get it back when I return the fob. Anyway, working out at Quickfit was a very different experience over the holidays when there were no other clients or the staff present.

I would have previously said that I find working out to be a solitary activity. I’m not the kind of girl who likes to chat it up on the treadmill, because I think if you can talk, you’re probably not working hard enough.

Yet when I was at Quickfit all alone, I found myself slipping. I wasn’t pushing myself as hard as I do when Christine is there, giving me encouragement. I also missed the camaraderie of fellow clients, working hard alongside me. There’s something great about knowing the people around you are all striving for the same goal; we’re all on the same team. Alone, I was taking more water breaks, resting between sets and while I was still working hard, I don’t think I was working hard enough.

So while it’s great that I have the option of coming in after hours, I think I’ll do my best to get to Quickfit on Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays just like I’ve been doing for the last few months. It also gives me a great reason to leave work on time on those days and helps me stick to my routine so I can keep losing in 2012 just like I did in 2011.

It would appear I’m not alone in being so hard on myself; the people I work with feel the same sense of remorse when they chow down on chocolate, though really, why do we? Why do we associate one type of food as “bad” while others, like carrots, are deemed “good” in some never-ending moral battle in our kitchen cabinets. And while I’m the first to point out that croissants filled with cream cheese and covered in powdered sugar offer little nutritional value, it’s clearly not helping me to continue demonizing them in my mind- it clearly doesn’t stop me from eating them!

Unfortunately, I have no solution to this problem, because while the whole office spends a good amount of time whining about those darn cookies, they’re also giving themselves and each other the timeless justification: It’s the holidays! As if that’s free pass to completely gorge ourselves for a solid three weeks.

So after feeling guilty about my food choices while simultaneously trying to excuse them, I headed to Quickfit for a good hard sweat. And after my usual workout there, I headed home and packed in another 20 minutes of cardio. And now, I feel much less guilty. Obviously I can’t undo the day’s choices, so all I can do is work hard to make sure they don’t catch up to me, and the only way I can think to do that is through adding extra exercise. It may not prevent a slight backslide in my progress, but it definitely won’t further contribute to the problem.

I realize also that guilt has a lot to do with perception. While I may feel like I’ve eaten a dozen cookies throughout the course of the day based on how I feel, it’s not the reality. And while I may feel like I’ve exploded to the size of a small blimp in the matter of a week, the scale hasn’t actually moved. It’s all about how I perceive the situation and my body, which makes me think that if I actively tried to alter my perception, I could feel a lot more positive about my choices and maybe even make better ones. Yes, while I try to avoid doing this, the “well I’ve had one, I might as well have two” excuse has popped into my brain over the last few days, and maybe if I stop feeling so guilty, I can let that go and stop at one.

This week, that plan fell apart in a big way. It’s the busiest couple of weeks in the year for those of us in the catering and events industry, so not only am I attending a few holiday parties, mandatory networking events and a couple of friends’ graduation events, I’m working parties, sometimes until 3 in the morning, in addition to my regular work hours. Long hours mean that I’ve been too exhausted and too busy to make it to Quickfit in almost a full week! For someone who comes in three times a week like clockwork, that’s a big deal. Granted I did workout at home over the weekend, but over the last three days, I’ve done nothing to promote my physical well being.

In addition to not having the time to workout over the last three days, I’ve also succumbed to the endless parade of sugar that’s taking over our office kitchenette. Cookies galore and two birthday cakes this week have proven that I have almost no self-control, and my taste buds, which had gradually readjusted to natural and healthy foods, are now practically addicted to sugary sweetness, so much so that my lightly sweetened oatmeal in the morning now tastes awful where before it was a treat. It’s a complete disaster.

And while it’s true that in the grand scheme of things, three days of unhealthy eating probably isn’t all that bad, I can totally tell a difference in my body and my mind. I’m sluggish, unfocused, and moody, and not just because I’m sleep deprived. Today, I did finally force myself to do an hour-long workout video in my living room after getting home at 9pm, and my body felt so different than it did when I used the same video on Saturday (before my 12 hour shift, which was admittedly misguided). I felt my muscles fatiguing much earlier in the circuits and I was panting harder than I have in months. It did not feel good. Add this feeling to the fact that I just feel gross, and I have all the reasons I need to keep working out forever and ever and continuing to eat like a real human-being instead of one of Santa’s elves.

Plans are all well and good, but sometimes life gets in the way. Now that I know I’ll be working late all week, I’ll have to adjust my workout routine and squeeze fitness in when I can. That is, until my holiday break comes, and I can bump up workouts to twice a day to make up for all the chocolate.

I’m not so sure how much I agree with that logic. I’ve always been a person who’s easily swayed by my emotions; yes, like everyone, I reason through important decisions, but sometimes I think it’s a good idea to listen to whatever your gut is telling you, as it’s usually telling you that something for a reason.

This applies especially to my workouts and my eating decisions. If there’s something telling me to give myself a break, or that some workout feels better than another, I’m prone to listen. Most of the time, my brain and my body work together to help push through a workout as my brain reasons, “C’mon, Laurel, you can do anything for 30 seconds,” and my body takes over and keeps pushing. Sometimes my mind is trying so hard to get to the next level or push harder but my emotional reaction prevents it. This is especially true after long, emotionally stressful days at work. When that happens, I know I need to listen and cut myself a little slack.

I find this to be really helpful primarily because if I can’t find the strength to push in my heart, there’s no way my head and my body can get on board to get through a challenging workout. My mind also can’t follow through with my dietary goals if my emotions are guiding me away from them.

Like everything to do with my fitness goals, it’s about maintaining a delicate balance. Obviously, I cannot let my emotions and impulses dictate all of my decisions, as it would surely lead to disaster (i.e. cupcakes). But if I let reason prevail 100 percent of the time, it could result it burn out, boredom and more stress.

Today, I let my instincts take over, with the help of some very obvious cues from my body. I woke up incredibly sore, even though I only did a 30-minute cardio video yesterday and QuickFit the day before. So sore, in fact, that I could barely walk up or down stairs without wincing in pain. While I had originally planned to workout today, it was clear that what my brain wanted to do in order to meet my own goals was not in sync with the rest of my body.

On top of that, my mood was off today, and I was left with a dragging feeling that I was convinced could only be cured by hot chocolate. So I enjoyed my hot chocolate, curled up on my couch and took the day to take care of myself emotionally, even though on a certain level, rationally, I felt this was counterproductive to my goals. But here at the end of the day, I know I made the right decision. That hot chocolate was delicious and I know I’ll wake up tomorrow ready to work hard.